Saturday, December 20, 2008

Slow Progress

The passing of time has aided my recovery from the unfortunate events described in my last entry. Although I will remain acutely aware of what has passed, it has converted from an intense and overwhelming obstacle to a severe blemish that will mark, but not degrade, my Peace Corps experience. To speed my recovery I began to socialize and pasear more proactively, and was pleased to see people´s attitudes towards me were in no way changed. At the time of those incidents I had become more reclusive and aloof- I rarely paseared as I was weary of the mental and physical energy it required. Being among people again has certainly helped a great deal and shaken many of my fears. Although I avoid them somewhat, I am pleased to say I no longer feel hatred and fear towards those women who took me too lightly. I feel a bit more liberated as their control over me diminishes;I view them with indifference, and at times, pity.
My resentment towards those who failed to help me is also receding into more distant memory. After seven months and seven different houses, I finally moved into my own- not to say that it wasn´t a struggle getting to that point. The privacy and independence of living on my own have eliminated the fear of being a burden to others. Though they do not necessarily deserve a volunteer, there are people in the community I can help. For the sake of work, I will try to dismiss the indignation and resentment I occasionally experience. I resign myself to the notion that many volunteers before me have faced worse obstacles, and a few meddlesome and ill-educated women are not among them. An apathetic community, on the other hand, is certainly a huge impediment. Even if my projects fail, I will have at least completed two of the three chief Peace Corps goals: facilitating cultural exchange and improving cultural understanding. As some of us PCVs like to say, ¨when I think I have it bad, I think of that PCV in Africa that has it ten times worse!¨

Feliz Navidad to all-may your Christmas be colder and whiter than mine (which is certain)!